Twin Advice - Multiple Birth
There are some things you can prepare for, and some things that come as a complete surprise. When you’re dealing with twins, there’s definitely more of the latter. So in writing these advice pieces and recanting our own experiences, perhaps it can help others to be prepared for some of the things that I wish I had known about in advance.
High Risk=High Reward
The term High Risk Pregnancy scared the crap out of me when I first heard it to describe our situation, and the frequency with which it was dropped is another matter on it’s own. In actuality, this term may be more beneficial than it sounds. High Risk Pregnancy is an automatic tag for multiple births, and can usually bring with it some preferential treatment.
In our case on the night before their birth, her water didn’t quite break, but there was some leakage, which turned out to be from neither Dale’s nor Cooper’s individual wrapping, but from interstitial amniotic fluid. Either way, we were admitted right away with a higher priority than a ‘regular’ labour, and spent the night under observation. Bonus.
Multiple heart monitors and the contraction monitor on at all times allowed me to get more involved and provided more information on how my boys were doing.
And on their birthday, when they were getting ready to enter the world, the doctor was called in at the first sign of delivery and actually stuck around until it was time (which I am lead to believe is quite uncommon).
Much a Doula about Nothing
I had never heard of a doula, and had no idea what one was until recently, and looking back, I can’t imagine the birth process without her. We lucked out, in that a good friend of ours was looking into being a doula and we got her services for free.
In case you don’t know, think of a doula as a childbirth coach for the mother. It is a fantastic idea for any childbirth, especially new parents, or multiple births (in our case, both). While the nurses are doing their thing, and the doctor’s got his job to do at the very moment of birth, it helps immensely to have someone else there who can help her through the process and understand what’s going on better than any nervous/scared/excited/anxious father can. Keep in mind that there’s two babies who are trying to make their way out, and thus more work to do, so the more help the better.
You Can’t be in Two Places at Once
One situation I was completely unprepared for, was the first moment after Cooper was born. While this is one of the absolute happiest moments in my life, I was divided in my loyalty. My first born child had now entered the world, and I wanted nothing more to greet him properly and get in those precious first moments with him… but there’s another baby on the way and the wife is still in labour pushing out another kid. Be there for him… be there for her… what to do, what to do.
Luckily, In our case Saroo’s mother had snuck into the back of the birthing room, so after I went over to the ‘cleaning table’ where a nurse was dealing with Cooper to say hello, Gram was there to spend some quality time with him while I went back to work with the wife on getting Dale out.
Thusly, big piece of advice, arrange to have a family member or someone special there for just such a situation. While the hospital staff do prefer to keep the number of participants low, they shouldn’t mind someone in the back waiting to help out… after all, multiple births usually get special treatment (see above).
2 for 1 sale
In our case, it was two boys, and that we knew that going into the birth. When registering, the nurse asked if we were planning on having the boys circumcised. We had discussed it beforehand, and had decided that we had no major objections either way, and I explained to the nurse that it ultimately boiled down to a budget decision. This apparently was enough haggling and she replied that they usually don’t have to charge full price for multiples, and that they could swing me a deal.
So ask, and if need be, haggle. You never know.
No Rush to get Home
I doubt this applies in the U.S. , but in Canada the hospital stay is covered by our health care system. So if they’re not in any rush to get rid of you, and you feel comfortable with it, see if you can stay at the hospital a couple extra days. I know friend’s who have gone in, had their baby, and took them home in less than 24hours (Congrats Jer and B, btw) but we stayed as long as we could, getting help from the nurses (who were *fantastic*), asking plenty of questions, and getting some practice holding, switching, and basically juggling two beautiful babies at the same time. ‘Double football’ is a term you may be getting accustomed to very soon.
Just a warning, however, as the switch from Mom saying “Yes, let’s stay as long as we can” to “Get me the Frak out of here, NOW” can happen in the course of only a couple hours.
HELP.
Arrange for help, simple as that. Call in some favours if you have to, and never refuse help from friends and family. With twins, all bets are off. It’s not necessarily double the work… but it is absolutely constant, especially the first 6 weeks.
That help may include, but not limited to, feeding/changing/holding the babies, helping out around the house, and my favourite… cooking/providing meals. You are going to be extremely busy and any little bit that you can get an extra hand with counts.
Don’t Panic
Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, completely disregard the ‘helpful advice’ most people will give you (and yes, I realize the irony of advising this in an advice column). People will remind you so very often of just how hard it’s going to be for you, or of just how much you’re going to have to do. Parents of singletons can’t quite comprehend what it’s like to give birth to and raise multiples, so therefore can’t quite give that much helpful input. Luckily the most common response to “I’m having twins” is simply,”Wow” and that’s the end of the conversation. Parents of multiples will usually respond with a knowing chuckle and simply say,”Good Luck.”
You may also want to have some comebacks ready for the seemingly endless barrage of stupid questions/comments that people will fire at you.
Talk to friends and family, or even better medical staff about baby issues, and find some parents of multiples to talk to. It’s not necessarily impossible, or unmanageable… it’s just different, and the everyday challenges of raising twins (or more) will vary greatly over that of a singleton.
One piece of advice that rang true for us, was “If you’re going to have twins, do it first… that way you don’t realize how much extra you’re doing, you’re just doing what needs to be done”
Double the Pleasure, Double the Fun
So, enjoy the notoriety that comes from ‘the twins’, and be prepared but don’t panic. With great power comes great responsibility, and with more work comes more rewards. Soon enough, you can start enjoying the unique joys of two wonderful babies at the same time, and the flat-out efficiency of a multiple birth.
Coming Soon - Twin Advice: Surviving the first six weeks